RATING: 1 ½ – 5
DIRECTED BY: Zack Snyder
CAST: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Jesse Eisenberg, Amy Adams, Jeremy Irons, Holly Hunter, Diane Lane
MUSIC: Junkie XL, Hans Zimmer
Around two and a quarter hours into Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, even Batman (Ben Affleck) has no idea what’s going on. A giant horned creature has hatched from an amniotic sac and is swinging from a Metropolis skyscraper. A kryptonite spear is lying at the bottom of a flooded stairwell. Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) is playing with a kitchen timer. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) is flying to Gotham City, premium economy. Superman (Henry Cavill)…well, let’s say he’s temporarily indisposed. “What’s happening, Alfred?” our hero barks at his faithful butler (Jeremy Irons) via the intercom on his Batwing fighter jet. There’s a brief pause, then Alfred’s voice comes crackling back, reedy and sardonic. “How best to describe it?” Under the circumstances, it’s a reasonable question. The best I can do is apocalyptic sneezing fit: largely because whenever you think it’s dying down, its nostrils start fluttering again. To shore up its man vs god ideas, the film falls back on a giant statue of Superman that takes off from Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam, and lines up real-life scientists and commentators such as Neil degrasse Tyson and Andrew Sullivan. Alice in Wonderland gets referenced, as does The Wizard of Oz, in the strangest of ways. Supermen may need a bit of it all, but science, faith or fairy tale, nothing can rescue this one.